fashion nova models ig
in this episode of marietv we do have someadult language. so if you have little ones around, grab yourheadphones now. hey, it’s marie forleo and you are watchingmarietv, the place to be to create a business and life you love. if you have something inside of you that youwant to bring to life, whether you want to write it, you want to bake it, you want todraw it, dance it, or paint it, you are in for a real treat. today we’re talking about what it takesto live a truly creative life and my guest is really the person to show us how.
elizabeth gilbert is the number one new yorktimes bestselling author of eat, pray, love and several other internationally bestsellingbooks of fiction and nonfiction. gilbert began her career writing for harper’sbazaar, spin, the new york times magazine, and gq, and was a 3 time finalist for thenational magazine award. the follow up memoir, committed, became aninstant number one new york times bestseller. her latest novel, the signature of all things,was named a best book of 2013 by the new york times, o magazine, the washington post, thechicago tribune, and the new yorker. elizabeth’s latest book, big magic: creativeliving beyond fear, which tackles the elusive mystery of creativity, is now available whereverbooks are sold.
liz, thank you so much for taking the timeto be here. my pleasure, i love being here. so big magic is your new book and, i haveto tell you, it’s so genius. when i got this… this little copy belowhere that i actually have all flagged up and it’s kind of ratty… oh, i love seeing flags coming out of books. flags. so, i have to tell you that i didn't wantthis book to be over so i slowed myself down and i would savor it just like you would savora good meal and i was so excited to have you
on today because it’s brilliant and i feellike it’s one of these books that i will keep going back to again and again and again. so i wanna start by asking you what was thebig magic that inspired big magic? what inspired you to write this? wow. you know what it is? it’s a response to years of being out inpublic talking to people who tell me about the projects they want to be making and arenot making, the things they want to be doing and are not doing.
you know what i mean? and often times when i’m in public i meetpeople who are making and doing really cool things and they wanna tell me about it, butmostly it’s people who aren’t. and when they come to me with their problemsabout creativity or their struggles with creativity because they know i love to talk about creativity,i find that they always have some sort of very rational, reasonable kind of materialreal… real world reason why they’re not doing it that they can lay out as an explanation. but when you start to scratch away at that,what’s underneath it is always and only fear.
yes. always and only fear. i don't care what the excuses or the rationalizationor the justification for why they’re not doing the thing that’s calling to them,at the bottom of it they’re afraid. they’re afraid they don't have the talent,they’re afraid they don't have the right, they’re afraid it’s already been donebetter, they’re afraid they’ll be rejected or insulted or criticized or, worse, ignored. they’re afraid there’s no point, they’reafraid… you know, they just have these, like, tumbling piles of fear.
and i see it so much and i hear the same questionsagain and again that i finally just thought, “well, let’s officially talk about this.†you know? like, let’s actually really break this downand try to figure out how people can live more creative lives without being so scared. one of the things you say about fear in thebook is that fear is like a necessary companion. yeah. and i loved that because i feel like in theworld of personal development and sometimes in spirituality in certain circles, you know,you wanna push through your fear, get over
your fear. punch it in the face! punch it in the face, dude! or kick it or whatever. or we, you know, just demonize it… right. ...in this way and i was wondering if youcould speak to this idea of fear as a companion. yeah, i mean, the thing is, i have no desireto become a fearless person because the only genuinely fearless human beings i’ve evermet were psychopaths or toddlers.
like… and neither one of those things isinteresting for me to model my life after because there’s something missing from thatperson… ...that’s very essential and you see itin the kind of, like, weird eyes. you’re like, “wow, you are a dangeroushuman being to yourself and others and i don't wanna be anywhere near you.†and so i’m not interested in fearlessness. somebody said to me the other day, “tellus how you conquered fear,†and i was like, “i… it’s adorable that you think i conquered…†did you read the book?
yeah, that’s also… i’m afraid right this minute. i’m afraid, like, almost every minute ofmy life. so i haven’t conquered it and i’m notinterested in conquering it. actually, what my relationship with fear beginswith is a tremendous amount of respect and appreciation because fear is the reason iam still alive today. it’s the reason you’re still alive today. every single one of us can point to a momentin our lives that we survived because we were afraid.
because they said... the thing, the voicessaid, “get out of that ocean, the waves are too big.†you know, “this car is going too fast.†“don't get into the apartment with thatguy.†“this street is not safe to walk down.†all of us are here because our fear is constantlyprotecting us, that’s its job and it does its job beautifully. it’s just that it’s all jacked up on redbull and it’s really trigger happy and it doesn't know the difference between a genuinelydangerous situation and just a little bit
of a nervy situation. so whenever i feel fear arise, which is constantlybecause i’m always trying to do creative things and creativity will always provokeyour fear because it asks you to enter into a realm with an uncertain outcome, and fearhates that. it thinks you’re gonna die. so any time i start a new creative projectthe fear rises and the first thing i do is say to it, “thank you so much for how muchyou care about me and how much you don't want anything bad to happen to me, and i reallyappreciate that. your services are probably not needed herebecause i’m just writing a poem.
like, no one’s gonna die. no one’s gonna die, it’s ok.†you know, and i just talk to it but in thisreally friendly way and i don't go to war against it, i acknowledge its importance,and then i invite it along. i’m like, “you can come with me, but i’mdoing this thing.†i loved the metaphor that you shared. it’s like fear is gonna be in the car… ...but it’s gonna be in the backseat… ...and it’s not gonna drive.
or choose the snacks or hold the map or touchthe radio. like, fear doesn't get to make any decisionsin creative ventures because frankly, with all due respect to grandfather fear, it simplydoesn't understand what creativity even is because that’s a newer part of our brain,so it doesn't even know what’s going on. so you can’t let it have any control overyour creative choices or else it will shut them down one idea after another. it’ll just be like, “nope, don't do that. nope, too risky. nope.â€
and it’ll just be one no after another andyour life will be so much smaller than you want your life to be. one of the things i love that you shared,which i feel is a big subset of fear, is this idea it’s all been done before. i think it’s the thing that i hear the mostboth in my own brain… ...and when i talk to everyone out in theworld… ...about their ideas or their businesses ortheir projects, there’s this recurring narrative everything’s been done before. and i was wondering if you can speak to originalityvs. authenticity.
ok, cool. i’m glad you brought this up. so whenever i talk to somebody who has anidea that they’re tremulously excited about, generally speaking within the next 2 minutesthey will say, “but, you know, it’s not very original. it’s already been done.†and i always say, “but it has not yet beendone by you.†it has not yet been done by you. and the answer is, yeah, guaranteed it’salready been done because humans are really
inventive and inquisitive and creative andwe’ve had 40 thousand years of the arts and pretty much everything has been done. and that’s fine. like, even shakespeare, half of his storieshe totally stole from older stories because there aren’t that many new stories to tell. but he told them in a way that had never beentold before and then 500 years later we’re still borrowing them from him. we’re all just borrowing from each other. and even the most original piece of creativitythat you ever saw in your life where you were
like, “that’s groundbreaking, i’ve neverseen anything like that before,†guaranteed i could bring in, like, 10 professors andacademics who could look at it and say, “well, obviously this is somebody who had read thisbook or they had heard this symphony or they had… they were playing off of this or theywere rejecting that. they’re responding.†all we do as humans is respond to stuff that’salready come before us. but you’re allowed to add to the pile. you’re allowed to add to the pile and whati always say is whenever i look at art that’s really original, i feel like i can admireit but it doesn't move me.
what moves me is the humanity in an authenticpiece of creation where somebody was doing something, whatever it was, because they hadto, because they wanted to, because it brought them to life, because it ignited their soul. that’s what gives the shimmer of gold tosomething and makes me feel like my heart’s been changed, my mind’s been changed, theworld looks different than it did before. so i don't care if it's been done. i don't care if it’s been done 10 thousandtimes. if you need to do it, do it. you know, there’s 2 things i want to commenton.
one, have you checked out everything is aremix? no. oh, i can’t… ok, so i’m gonna email you on this. you’re gonna love it. it speaks to this idea and it traces back… oh, that is a great shorthand for everythingi just said. but it’s brilliant and i think you’regonna love it. but it… it really is true and i think there’sso much relief that we can feel in that.
i know in my own creative life… ...the pressure, you know, to keep creatingand to keep pushing those edges and those boundaries and growth and doing somethinginnovative and new and you can start to make yourself crazy. there's so many ways to make yourself crazy. and that’s number nine on the list. but, yeah, exactly. and… but the second thing that you tippedoff for me was something else in the book that i absolutely loved and it was a reallightbulb moment.
i want to thank you for writing it. it was about really examining your motivations. and, you know, if you want to help people…and this was interesting for me. and it’s like, you know, you want to writea book to help me. please, don't. please don't help me. but this idea of creating because it bringsyou joy. right, right. exactly.
i mean, i think when you’re a good personand you’re a giving person and you’re a person of humanity, then of course whenyou set out to do something you think, “well, i probably shouldn’t do this unless it willserve.†right? because that’s… because we’re good people. and we’re raised to believe that. i love this quote by this british newspapereditor who said, “you can always tell people who live for others by the anguished expressionson the faces of the others.†you’re just like, “oh, god.
here she comes with her really good intentions. like, i just feel like… like please don't.†and… and also it’s a heavy mandate forsomething that should be the lightest thing in your life, which is how you express yourown creativity. i love helping people. i think there are much more efficient waysfor me to do it. like, i give money to good organizations andi vote and i volunteer and i do all of that kind of stuff. my art though is mine.
and even the art that i make that ends uphelping people like, you know, eat, pray, love, for instance. people will say, “thank you so much foryour book. it really helped me, it changed me.†i didn't sit down to write that book saying,“it’s high time i changed people’s lives.†like, i was such a hot mess at that pointin my life, like, i could barely tie my own shoes at that moment. like, the last thing i had any business doingwas being like, “and now, people, let me give you the answers.â€
you know, it… that book was about me justlooking for grace and looking for resurrection in my own life. and then accidentally, because i followedmy own curiosity, trusted my creativity, made the work i wanted to make, i accidentallyended up helping people. that’s a side effect that can… that canhappen in the end. and i have a quote in the book from this wonderfulgerman theologian who said, “all love eventually becomes help.†all love eventually becomes help. so if you wanna help, just love.
just love what you’re doing, love who you’rewith, make sure that you love where you’re living, love… whatever the thing is thatyou love, you’ll start to sort of radiate this thing that people will want to be nearand it’ll make them better and that’s the very kindest thing that you could possiblydo for your community. it is not sunday, but we are preaching rightnow. it’s sunday every day. amen to all of that. so i remember reading this particular partof big magic out loud and i cheered and i laughed and i did my jersey fist pump, right,all the way.
jersey in the house doubled up here today. jersey, seriously. and so when i read shit sandwiches and dayjobs. ok, so i need to say this, i believe thatthose two… first of all, i think the book is required reading for every human, but…but those two in particular. thank you. you’re so welcome. is… they’re so vital for anyone tryingto do anything, but especially if they have entrepreneurial aspirations.
you know, they wanna be a writer, they wannabe a dancer. anything. wanna start a business, wanna… so if we could start with the fact, and iloved this because this is my mentality and how i… i was like, “she gave words to it. i love it.†that finding your true purpose is really aboutdeciding which flavor of shit sandwich you’re really in for.
love that. well, this is… i wish it were my idea. it’s not my idea. i borrowed it but i will lay it out here anyway. the idea is that every pursuit, no matterhow glamorous it may seem, no matter how exciting you are… it feels to you, no matter howmuch you feel like you were born to do it, comes with a shit sandwich. and so the question is not, “what do i love?â€
the question is, “what do i love so muchthat i don't mind eating the shit sandwich that comes along with that thing?†so for me in my life writing is the thingthat i love and the shit sandwich was the 7 years that i was not getting published andthat i was coming home from my job as a diner waitress, as a bartender, as an au pair, asa… somebody who worked in flea markets, as a cook, and i was coming home tired andsmelling like other people's french fries, and sitting down and doing my real job, whichwas to write. and then to go to the mailbox the next dayand get another rejection letter. and then say, “do i still wanna do this?
because this shit sandwich sucks.†am i ready to take another bite? and i did still wanna do it and now even assomebody who makes their living as a writer, there’s no end to the shit sandwiches. it’s like, “um, oh, hello horrible reviewin prominent newspaper. that’s your shit sandwich today, liz. you still wanna do this work?†yup. yeah, i still do.
still worth it. like, hello awful comment on social mediafrom somebody who thinks you’re a pile of dog shit. and just has, like, chosen every possibleway that they can just cannot get it out of their system fast enough how much disregardthey have for your entire life. still wanna do this thing? yeah, i still wanna do it. you know, so that’s the question. because if the first time you encounter theshit sandwich you’re like, “well, this…
this isn’t worth it,†then that’s notthe thing you’re supposed to be doing. and there are plenty of things in life that…that i have run into the shit sandwich and i’ve been like, “so not worth it. so not worth it. like, this is not… i don't wanna do this. like, whatever the ben… alleged benefitsof this thing might be, no.†i’m not down… soulcycle.
like, i know it’s probably really good forme but i feel like throwing up right now because this is too hard. i’m out. i’m… you’ll not be seeing me here again. like… and i love my sisters at soulcycle,i just don't like feeling like i’m gonna throw up when i exercise. so it’s not for me. and… and so that’s the question. so if you go into this thing thinking, “ifi follow my bliss and i live my dream and
i stand in my truth, then everything willbe great,†it doesn't mean everything will be great. it just means at the end of the day when youcheck in with yourself and you go, “in the end, on the balance, is this still betterthan not doing it?†and the answer is still yeah, this thing isstill better than not doing it, then you’re on the right path. i can’t tell you how many people will thinkthat, you know, what we’re shooting here, and there’s lights and i have a blowoutand, you know… it’s like i don't do this every day.
like, so much work goes into what those littleblips of… and the rest of the time there's a lot ofshit sandwiches on the table. there’s a lot of shit… there’s a lot, they’re lined up like jerseysubs. i had a friend that i speak about in the bookwhen i was in my 20s who was, i still believe, a far better writer than i was. far better and far more naturally talentedthan me. and just got so enraged that the same thingwas happening to him as was happening to me, which was nothing.
it’s like you’re doing this work and you’regetting absolutely nothing out of it. and i just remember the day where he was like,“i’m done.†and my sense, honestly, that day was likei was looking at his half eaten shit sandwich and i was like, “are you gonna finish that,dude? because i’ll eat it. because i, like, i’ll finish your half eaten…â€like, to stay in this game, that’s how much i love this. and… and so that’s a really important,fundamental question and i think a really realistic one.
i think it’s genius. and, you know, the other portion about dayjobs. this is something, so when i… ...first started, i started a life coachingbusiness when i was 23. i don't know what i was thinking, but i bartendedand waited tables and taught fitness and did everything i could to not be desperate duringthe day so i could figure out my craft. so i could write content, so i could not bedesperate as a life coach, because what other more depressing thing in life is there? you have to pay me!
i’m your life coach and i’m losing myhouse! so… it’s not working! it’s not… nothing’s working! but… yeah, that’s not very… that doesn't instillconfidence in your clients. no, right? it’s really not like living your best life. and so anyway, i love this because, you know,i had day jobs for 7 years before my creative
life could support me and sustain me financially. and frankly, i wasn’t sure at the beginningit ever would. you know, i didn't know if that was goingto happen. and so i’d love to hear you talk about yourtake on this because it’s one of the things where people have these ideas. and there are some people, there are unicornsthat say, “i’m going to do this and i’m burning the bridge behind me,†and theyput… and i honor those people. but what i’ve seen over time is they’reusually more the exception than the rule. look, if that’s how you have to do it…
...if you can’t feel like you're alive unlessyou’re burning bridges behind you, light the match, walk away, that’s… fire it up. ...that’s your deal. that’s not the contract that i’ve everhad with my creativity because for me, you know, we live in this sort of bumper stickerworld where the two bumper stickers that i always want to edit are the… with, like,a sharpie in the parking lot. there’s the one that says, “jump and thenet will catch you,†and there’s the one that said, “what would you do if you knewyou could not fail?â€
so the edits i want to make are, “jump andthe net might catch you,†and, “what would you do even if failure wasn’t even, like,a word that you were caring about?†which is a long edit and makes for a terrible bumpersticker. but what i’m getting at is i don't likethe… the sort of… i don't like the ethic that says if you tryreally hard and you… and you put everything into it, you’re gonna get everything thatyou want. because we’re all grownups here, so canwe just say that that may or may not happen? you may or may not get everything that youwant. you might put everything into something andit doesn't work, and that’s ok, if you didn’t
mortgage your house, risk your family, like,empty out your ira, and just put yourself in a really precarious situation such thatyou can never do it again. that’s the other thing. such that you’ve been so battered by howyou set up your life so that now you’re so cornered and strapped and anxious and shamedthat you just say, “well, if that’s what it feels like to give 100% to something, youcan keep it. i’m gonna take nothing but safe choicesfor the rest of my life,†and that’s it and you just shut down. i never wanna see somebody put in that situation.
so the contract that i made with writing wheni was 15 years old and i lit my candle and made my deal with the universe and said, “i’mgonna be a writer for the rest of my life,†one of the promises that i made to the workwas i will never ask you to support me financially. i will support both of us. i’m a resourceful person, my parents raisedme to be a worker. i will do whatever i have to do to pay therent and you and i will have a love affair on the side of this that is not contingentupon monetization. and i have watched so many creative peoplemurder their creativity by insisting that they are not truly creative unless their creativitypays the bills.
and if it doesn't pay the bills, which itmight or might not, or it might for a while and then it might not. you might go out of fashion, your thing mightchange, people might not want that anymore and all of a sudden you’re stuck. and i see those people go into depression,bitterness, rage, resentment. you have to be child like in the pursuit ofyour life, but you cannot be childish. and this is a really big difference. childlike means walking into the world withwide open wonder and being open and letting go of bitterness and ready to be amazed, readyto be taught, ready for everything to be new.
that’s childlike. childish means i want it and i should haveit and i don't… i don't like the way this turned out, it’snot fair, i’m gonna have a temper tantrum now, nothing ever goes my way, i didn't growup in the right family, i don't have the right tools, i didn't get to go to the right school,nobody likes me, i quit. and… and just because i want it, i shouldhave it. that’s childish. so you have to separate those things out. i believe you can be childlike and matureat the same time.
and mature means looking after yourself inthe real world in a real way. you know, i love this conversation becausei feel like it’s not had enough and there’s so much, like, flag waving. “you can do it! good job! whatever!†“take the risk!†and i’m like, you know, i grew up in a veryfinancially conservative… my parents didn't have a lot of money at all.
my mom could, like, take a dollar bill and,you know, stretch it for so long. i would love to put your mom and my mom ina dollar bill stretching contest and just see what they could do with it. but i’m so thankful. me too. so thankful for that. because it’s guided and inspired and informedso many smart choices that i’ve made… ...that haven’t necessarily been easy butthey’ve made all the difference over the long term.
i wanna shift gears and ask you somethinga little different for a moment if you’re… if you’re open to it. so i wanna talk a little bit about your processas a speaker. ok. because myself, like, tens of millions ofpeople have seen your ted talks but i also had the great pleasure to see you in i guessnewark, new jersey? oh, at the oprah thing. oh, man. myself and…
elizabeth gilbert! that’s my fake… that’s what i do wheni get up in the morning, i try to imagine oprah introducing me. we just need to record it. when i get out of the shower. can you just record it and put it on youriphone so we have that? but you were absolutely… you were spectacularand i… oh, you’re so kind to say so. it’s the truth and i was with my dear friendkris carr and we were both sitting there and
we… we had loved you before, but we bothlooked at each other and were like, “damn! she just took it away.†so my question for you is, a few questionsif i may. one, was that process of becoming a speakeras a writer, did it feel natural to you? like, did you have to go, “ok, i have tofigure this out now.†or did it…? what was that like? i’m first a writer, second a speaker. writing is easier for me and i’m sort ofmore at home there.
writing is probably… like, when i’m sittingdown writing even if it’s not going well, that is the place in the world where i feellike i am the least full of shit. like, that most authentic version of yourselfwhere you’re not selling anything, you’re not trying anything, you’re not puttinganything on, you’re just sitting in your truth of who you are. that’s what i feel like when i’m writing. speaking, you are selling something in a waybecause you… it’s this very different kind of way of interacting and so i’ve reallyhad to learn how to do it. and… like, for instance, the first timewhen eat, pray, love first came out, the first
time somebody had me give a speech, i hada speech on a piece of paper and i went and read it at a podium because i didn't know. and i stood there and i read those words thati wrote and i turned the page and every once in awhile i looked up and… as you do. and it was… that’s a way that you cangive a speech, but even as i was doing it i was thinking, “oh, this isn’t how youdo this because nobody wants to sit in a chair and be read to for 40 minutes. so you don't get to do it this way anymore.â€
“you’re gonna have to find a way to behere the whole time, because they don't wanna see the top of your head.†“and they want something else.†so that was the beginning of changing it. and then i started to work with being sortof lighter with it and kind of giving myself an outline and then just sort of telling storiesrather than reading them because it’s a… it’s a whole different kind of thing. yeah, i was gonna say, do you mind if we hangout here for a minute? no, no.
i’m happy to. because when i heard you speak it was as thoughi was… when i say this, i mean, your sentences, i was like, that’s literally what had krisand i like, “woah.†they were amazing. and i was like, “i wonder if she scriptedit,†not in a… but because i know you cherish your words. and i’m a person who loves words and so,you know, as… as a person who is always looking at how do people do what they do,it was… it was a curiosity point for me because you did it exquisitely.
well, you’re very kind and i will tell youthis, when oprah winfrey invites you to speak at a stadium tour, you prepare. and i worked on that speech for 6 months andwhat you heard me saying… ...was memorized. well, but… that was me just reading a poem that was memorizedin my whole… at 45, 50 minutes was just a memorized piece of paper. but i want you to hear this from an audiencemember, like, you were so connected and that's why i wanted to ask you about this becauseyour presence and your delivery and, again,
as someone… we just watch, i observe somany things of like, she was so in it. and i… i could feel in my cells and in my bones,i was like, “that took a tremendous amount of work.†it’s a huge amount of work. a huge amount of work. i was walking. the only way i can learn a speech is to walkit into my bones, so i was walking, like, 5 miles a day on the side of the road givingthat speech for 4 months.
you know, like, that’s how much i put intoit. and the other thing is, i had this reallyincredible moment the day before the first one of those, because it was an 8 city tour. and it’s scary, it’s oprah winfrey. she’s sitting in the front row. like, i invited you, i trusted you with myaudience, who trusts me with their lives. go ahead. what do you got? and you’re like…
20 thousand people. i’m not used to speaking to. i mean, who is? like, a place where, like, bon jovi plays. so… so for me there’s this great thing,there’s this great sense of this doubt of am i worthy, do i belong here. and i was backstage about 15 minutes beforei went on physically shaking. and… and then i had this thought where ithought, “you know what, liz? they don't need your fear, because they havetheir own.
like, that is the one thing they don't need. because they have… everyone who’s in thataudience has all the fear they’re ever gonna need. so you’re not gonna… if you bring themyour fear, you’re bringing them, like, it’s coals to newcastle.†“ice to eskimos. that they have. they don't need your insecurity. again, they’ve got it covered.
they don't need your sense of low self worth,they don't need your questioning of whether you belong. believe me, they know those feelings. here’s what… here’s what you got hiredto do today. is to model to them dignity and composureand grace and female autonomy. so they need you to come out and stand inyour female body on that stage in front of 25 thousand people with an unshaking voiceand speak about courage, because that’s what they came here for. and if you bring them anything less than that,you’re doing a tremendous disservice.â€
and there are times in our lives where wedo serve by showing our vulnerability and our fear. not that day. like, that’s it. and i was like, “oprah winfrey is the personin the world you admire the most, she thinks you can do this, she’s not an idiot. do it.†and bring them what they don't have. don't bring them what they already have.
well, can i tell you, you did it. and you brought it, like, to the nth power. it was absolutely genius. and thank you for just sharing the behindthe scenes because i feel like that’s another piece of the puzzle where you can see someoneand people can see you or they’ll see the show and they have these ideas that it’sso easy. “oh, she’s a really good speaker.†“yeah, she’s really good. she probably, you know, just made that uplike the past week or whatever.â€
and most often i find that that’s not true,that folks out there who are thinking about their own dreams or thinking about uplevelinga skill or stretching themselves into a new zone, you know, it’s so incredibly generousof you to be able to share that because it gives people like, “oh, ok. liz felt that.†i wish there was a shortcut to all of it. like, every single thing that’s of valuethat i’ve ever experienced in my life, i’m always looking for the how to hotwire it. like, there’s gotta be a way to do thiswithout… nah.
none of it. spiritual growth, personal growth, relationships,physical health. like, there’s not one single piece of itwhere you're like, “there’s a way to… there’s a way to get to the top of thiswithout actually putting anything in.†yeah, yeah. no, totally. there's no hack. there’s no hack. and i actually hate that.
that word is becoming on the top of my petpeeve list, everyone trying to hack things. and i’m like, “stop it, stop it. just do the work.†by the way, hackers. how do you think they got so good at hacking? they sat there in their bedrooms for, like,20 years learning how to hack. like, that, like, there is no such thing asa hacker who just woke up one day and was like, “i know how to get into the pentagon.†like, these guys are really… they’re likereally skilled.
they put the time in. they totally did. so that word doesn't even really work forwhat we think it means. i wanna go to the power of finishing. because you said something, another geniusgem from big magic, about, you know, i don't want it to be perfect, i want it to be finished. and that is another one of those things wherei’ll hear from folks it’s like there’s, you know, 15 half created bridges, half thingsthat are just half done and it tortures them and they’re afraid to start something newbecause they haven't really developed the
habit of getting something out there evenif it’s not totally perfect. this is a huge one. this is a really huge one for women becauseit’s all rooted in perfectionism, which is, of course, the murderer of all good things. perfectionism is just… it’s a serial killer. it just goes around killing joy, spontaneity,wonder, grace, humility, it just kills it all. and perfectionism i think is a particularlydangerous kind of fear, i always call perfectionism fear in high heeled shoes, because it’sfancy.
it’s like a really fancy haute couture versionof fear because perfectionism can advertise itself as a virtue and it can trick you intoletting it think that it’s… it makes you special. because people… you have such high standards. yeah, i have such high standards. i’m like, look, i just can’t rest untilsomething… i’m a perfectionist. it’s what people say in job interviews astheir fault.
you know, well, i guess i just care too much. and you’re like, “wow, you’re tellingme…†but what you’re telling me when you say that is that it’s gonna be veryhard for you not only to finish something, but probably to begin something. because the true perfectionist won’t evenstart because they know already that it’s not gonna be the thing that they can… they’redreaming of. and their tastes and their standards are sohigh. i… there’s this woman i recently was talkingto who’s… who wrote a very successful book maybe 15 or 20 years ago and hasn't beenable to write another book since.
and i was talking to her about it and shesaid, “you know, the world’s just so full of crap work and i just don't wanna put anotherpiece of crap on the crap pile. so i just won't release this thing until ifeel like it’s perfect.†and i said to her, “i am so glad i nevertook that on as my problem if the world is full of garbage. like, how is that your responsibility? it’s not… this is not your problem.†and i was like, “it’s not my problem ifmy work isn’t good. it’s not my problem.
it’s not even my fault. like, it’s not my problem.†my problem… the contract that i made, theonly way i finished my first novel, because it wasn’t good because i’d never writtena novel before. so why would it be good? who, like, wakes up and knows how to writea novel? so i was 50 pages into this thing and i’m25 years old and it’s not good and it’s not… and i know what a good novel is, andit’s not. this isn’t working.
and, you know, every dignified part of mewants to just put it in the bottom of the drawer and walk away. and then i just had, like, this, like, warriormoment and i just remember exactly where i was standing and i stood up and i said out,“i never promised the universe i would be a good writer. i just promised the universe i would be awriter. that is the only thing i committed to. this is not my problem.†and i just sort of said to, like, the faeriesand the geniuses, i was like, “if you guys
want it to be good you’re gonna have tochip something in here because this is what… this is what i can do. if you want to add something, feel… anytime, you know, feel free.†and the other commitment i made was i do notwanna go to my grave with 50 pages of an unfinished novel in a drawer. there’s enough of that in the world. and the other thing was this voice where iwas anticipating the criticism because i knew what the criticism would be because i knewwhere it wasn’t good. and i just said out loud to all my futurecritics at that moment, i don't know what
kind of language i can use on your show. every kind of language. we’re from jersey, girl. i said, “if you don't like it, go writeyour own fucking book. and you know what? you won’t. guess what? and guess what? i did and, therefore, i won.â€
“because mine’s finished and yours doesn'teven exist and now you’re criticizing my…†this is like an imaginary conversation, bythe way, with people who have never heard of me. you know, but that’s how i got through thatfirst book was just like i just want it done because as my mother always taught me, doneis better than good. the world is full of a bunch of really, reallygood not done stuff. and if you can just finish something, you’realready, like, 10 miles ahead of everybody else because most people won't. and what will make you finish it is not discipline,but self forgiveness.
because we all start our project on day onewith the same level of excitement. and on day 2 we all look at what we wroteon day 1 and we all hate ourselves. because what we wrote on day one is… ordid on day one, whatever our creativity is, is horrible. horrible. and the people who go on day 3 and pick itup again and start over are not the most disciplined. it’s not rigor that’s gonna get you there,it’s saying, “alright then, i’m not… i’m not hemingway. i’m just gonna do what i can.â€
and you forgive yourself for disappointingyourself and you go and you do more. and that’s it, it’s just like a littlebit of humanity towards your poor self. i’ll tell you, that’s the thing i needto remind myself of the most because i have this thing in me, i can go into that drivingplace and, again, that’s why i love your book so much. let’s move on to hungry ghosts and failure,because we all fail. and i love the quote from clive james: “failurehas a function. it asks you if you really wanna go on makingthings.†oh, i love that line so much.
ok, so the other day i was at an event anda woman stood up and she said, “i’m so furious at inspiration and creativity rightnow,†which is a really powerful way to start a statement. really caught my attention. and she said, “because i did the thing thateverybody tells you to do. i risked everything. i quit my job, i believed in my dream, i followedmy bliss, i got a whole bunch of people to come along with me on this project that iwanted to do and it totally failed. and i lost money and i lost friends and ilost dignity and i lost faith and i’m furious.â€
and i said, “who… who are you mad at?†and she said, “i’m mad at inspirationbecause i did my part and it didn't come through for me.†and, in other words, she jumped and the netdidn't catch her. and… and it was such a, like, i could feelher pain so much, it was like a hard person to kind of handle because she was just, like,all shards of glass at that point because she was feeling so broken. and i said, “but when did inspiration promiseyou anything?†like, i know bumper stickers promise you thingsand people promise you things, but when did
inspiration itself ever promise a human beinganything? other than the amazing experience of workingwith it and dancing with it for a little while. that’s all it ever promises you is i willlet you near me and we’re gonna go and do this thing. so when inspiration says to you, “let’sdo this wild, amazing thing together,†and you say, “yeah, let’s do it,†and yougrab it by its hand like thelma and louise and you just drive off that cliff with itand inspiration is like, “wee!†and you’re like, “wee!†and maybe it’ll catch youand then you’ll be like, “that was amazing,†or maybe you’re gonna, like, hit the groundand bust into 100 pieces.
and then you’re gonna be like, “what justhapp…? like, i thought we were a team.†at that point inspiration is sitting nextto you sort of on the beach under the cliff looking at your broken body with this biggrin on its face and it’s gonna say only one thing to you, and that thing is, “wannado it again? you wanna do it… should we do it… thatwas awesome. should we do it again?†and you’re like, “i’m in tra… i’m in, like, i’m in a body cast becausethat failure that i just had hurt so much.â€
and inspiration is like, “but, yeah, you…but wasn’t that kind of amazing? don't you wanna do it again?†and you may say, “no, i never wanna do itagain,†and that’s totally your choice. or you may say, “i need a few months tokind of sew myself back together again from not having stuck that landing.†but every morning i guarantee you you’llwake up bruised and hurt and shamed and inspiration will be like, “hey, wanna do it again? should we do that thing again?†great friend.
and one of these days you’ll be like, “oh,let’s do it again.†i mean, we’re only here for such a shorttime. let’s drive off another cliff. but as you go into that more and more youmight find ways to kind of, like, put airbags in the car. like, there are protective measures that youcan take to make sure that when you fail maybe you don't lose everything. that you have some sort of room and cushionso that you can fail, so that when inspiration invites you to take another leap you’relike… dust yourself off, all my bones are
still intact, yeah. let’s do it. because there’s no better thing to spendyour life doing than saying yes to that invitation. liz, i feel like you and i could talk forhours. i’m gonna… i have 2 more things before i let you boogie. sure. the creative paradox and making space fortwo mutually contradicting ideas, that i love because i love the richness of paradox.
this idea that if my creativity must be themost important thing in the world to me and it also must not matter at all. oh, jeez. ok, once again. we’re all grownups here. i do believe that it is humanly possible forthe human mind to hold two completely opposing ideas as true at the same time. i agree. and this is why, for instance, i’m capableof being a completely rational, scientific,
empirical person who believes in evolutionand global warming and reads the science times and thinks it’s all fascinating and at thesame time i can keep a place in my mind awake and alive to mystery, magic, and miracle. no problem. like, i do not see this as a contradiction. i have… i have a big mind, you have a big mind, wecan do both of those things at the same time. and… and so the paradox that you have tobe able to hold onto comfortably if you’re gonna do any kind of creativity is exactlythat.
as you’re approaching it you have to approachit as though nothing matters more than this. and then sometimes minutes later you haveto be willing to throw it away and be like, “eh, it doesn't matter.†so, like, when i’m writing, that’s whati’m moving back and forth between all the time is i’m sitting down and i’m like,“this sentence has to be the most beautifully written sentence in the entire world and itis spiritually and artistically lazy of me to bring anything less than that.†and i’m, like, laboring over this sentenceand i’m trying to bring… and i love it and then i go back later and read the paragraphand realize that it actually doesn't work.
and then i’m like, “ah, screw it.†so, like, you love it and then you dismissit. you love it and then you dismiss it. it is not… the thing is, your work has…one of the big problems that i’ve seen, i talk about this in big magic too, is whenpeople refer to their work as their baby. it ain’t your baby. it ain’t your baby, it’s not a human baby. it’s not a human baby. there’s a lot of differences between thisbook and a human baby.
like, for instance, this. watch. like, oh my god. you’d arrest me if i did that to a humanbaby. but i can totally do that. i can do that. i can rip pages out of it, it’s just a thing. it’s just a thing i made. it’s not a baby.
and it’s independent of me now. because it’s finished, so it doesn't needme. and people can attack it and they can criticizeit, they can misunderstand it, they can steal parts of it, they can do all sorts of stuffthat you wouldn't do to a human baby. and it will be fine and i will be fine becausethere’s a difference between me and this thing. so as much as i cared about it while i wroteit, now i have to kind of not care about it. and what i also have to recognize is if anythingi have been its baby because everything that i am and everything that i have learned andeverything that i have been and become in
my life is because of the creative thingsthat i made. in other words, they were making me. that’s why you have to let your creativityout is because it has you as a project. it’s building you. it’s creating you. so it’s not the other way around. so, like, don't get all precious about thething you made. get precious about it while you’re makingit, because that’s the part where you can and should be precious.
once it’s done, bleh. kick it to the curb and make another one. you’re out. it’s like you’re old enough to drive,you know? you don't need me anymore. like, just let it go. buy your own lunch. under this roof? not… you know, like, that’s the sort oftone that i think is appropriate.
but don't be like that as you’re doing it. because as you’re doing it love it, cherishit, and then forget about it. forget about it. true jersey style. so i wanna leave on what i think was maybethe most valuable thing for me, is your distinction between being a martyr and being a tricksteras it relates to creativity because i feel like i was schooled in the pain aspect ofit. even though i’m a pretty joyful, fun, playfulperson… ...somehow if i sit down to write or createsomething new it’s like, “ooh, i’ve
gotta suit up and this is gonna be…†this is gonna hurt. ok, so i think there are two kinds of creatorsin the world: there are the martyrs and the tricksters. and most of us were schooled in martyrdom. you know, we come out of a pretty heavy christiangermanic, romantic tradition that says by your suffering you shall be redeemed, really. and… and your scars are the badges of honorthat show how seriously you take your life. and how much you destroy yourself and everyonearound you in the process of making something
shows us how seriously you take your work. i reject it. the other way is the trickster way. and so the martyr walks around saying, “iwill do this even if it kills me,†and the trickster says, “i didn't come here to suffer.†and the martyr says, “by my wounds i shallbe known,†and the trickster says, “pick a card, any card.†the trickster is playing with this whole thingthe entire time. you know, the martyr says, “i’m gonnaend up in a broken heap and… and that’s
how you’ll know that i was serious.†and the trickster says, “i’m gonna walkoff with your girl while you're doing that.†the martyr is like sir thomas moore and thetrickster is bugs bunny who’s always looking at how to sort of subvert and do things differentlyand do things more playfully and do things in a transgressive way. and that, i feel like, is where the instinctfor art originally came from. because art does that, it turns things upsidedown, it looks at things sideways, it plays with things, it… it de-sanctifies the holything. see, the martyrdom is all about this kindof sanctity that is so heavy that it will
break you. and the tricksterdom is like what if we don'thave to treat this thing like it’s a holy, sacred relic? what if i turn… what if i, like, put sparkleson it? what if i…? i get out my bedazzler. what if i just get my glue gun and… andjust… you know? like, what if nothing’s holy and everything’sallowed? that’s what art has been asking for centuries,even holy, even sacred art has been asking.
you know, even the sistine chapel has a bunchof little, like, winks from michelangelo like, “what if the pope is not infallible? what if i, like, give him donkey ears? what if i…?†you know, there’s always, like, this sortof playfulness that art wants to do. and all we wanna do is take it so seriouslythat we kill it and often ourselves in the process. and so if you can learn how to dance withthe trickster part of yourself, which is in you because we all have martyr in us and weall have trickster in us.
and… and trust. that’s the thing about the trickster, thetrickster trusts the universe. trusts that if the trickster takes the ball,throws it into the universe, the trickster knows it’s coming back. it might come back 3 years from now, it mightcome back in a hailstorm of, like, 20 balls, it might come back, like, in some really comic,strange way, but if you engage there’ll be a response. and the only thing the trickster wants tospend its life doing is playing with that sense of, like, put it out there, see whathappens.
put it out there, see what happens. and it’s just a more fun way to live thatisn’t quite so heavy and isn’t quite so macho. and… and that’s the way that i’ve alwayswanted to engage with my work. and whenever i catch myself being the martyri’m like, “are you falling for this? are you falling for this thing that says theonly way that you can be creative is to suffer? because you know better, right?†and then we trick our way out of it. liz gilbert, you are a treasure.
you are so sweet to say so. it’s the truth as i know it. thank you so much for being here. everyone, i mean, i couldn’t love this bookmore. i really do think it’s required readingfor all human beings, and especially if you’re wanting to create anything in your life. so thank you so much for being here. you are so welcome. let’s hope that all human beings buy it.
read big magic. woo hoo! that’s so lovely. you’re so, so, so sweet and i love thisconversation. now liz and i would love to hear from you. there was so much good stuff in this episode,so i want to know what was the most significant thing for you as it relates to your creativityand bringing your dreams to life? now, as always, the best discussions happenafter the episode over at marieforleo.com, so go there and leave a comment now.
did you like this video? i have to tell you, this is one of my alltime favorites. if you like it, consider subscribing to ourchannel, because it’s awesome, and share this with all your friends. and if you want even more great resourcesto create a business and life that you love, plus some personal insights from me that ionly talk about in email, come on over to marieforleo.com and sign up for email updates. stay on your game and keep going for yourdreams because the world needs that special gift that only you have.
thank you so much for watching and i’llcatch you next time on marietv.
0 komentar :
Posting Komentar