fashion nova careers

fashion nova careers

   07.16       Fashion 2017

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-wizthis episode of death battle is brought to you by avgn ii: assimilation. pre-order on steam, right now, to save 10% and get the soundtrack free. -wizfor some action heroes, it's not enough to just save the world. -boomstickthey've gotta look good doing it! -wizdante, the devil hunter. -boomstickand bayonetta, the umbra witch. he's wiz, and i'm boomstick! -wizand it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win... a death battle.

-wiztake a walk down slum avenue, and you'll find all sorts of hangouts for the scum of the underworld. the bullseye bar, a random...strip club, and even a run-down service shop called 'devil may cry.' -boomstickbut the services they're selling aren't like washing your car, or fixing your plumbing. hooh no, s'long as you got the cash, this shop specializes in delivering demonic beatdowns. "who's crazy enough to try making a living this way?" you ask? his name... is dante. -wizfrom the very beginning, dante's life was always unusual. born from the unholy union of a human mother and a demon father,

dante and his twin brother, vergil, had their first supernatural encounter at the young age of 8. -boomstickyeah, see, his demon dad was a badass who single-handedly conquered the underworld, and imprisoned its demon emperor, mundus. but after dad died, mundus' minions felt brave enough to take some revenge, by...slaughtering his family. leaving dante an orphan. bummer. hate it when that happens. wiz-with his mother gone, and his brother assumed dead, dante was left with only one option: become the ultimate demon hunter, and...perpetuate the cycle of vengeance. -wizdespite the dangerous nature of his occupation,

dante always maintains a carefree spirit, while dispatching devils of the underworld. -boomstickit's part of his charm. hell, when you've got abilities like dante's, why not be a little cocky? he's faster than the mortal eye can see, strong enough to grapple with the undeworld's toughest demons, and straight-up man enough to shake off being stabbed through the chest, like, every goddamn day! -wizthat's thanks to his regenerative ability. in fact, all of that is made possible due to his demonic heritage, and made even more deadly by his plethora of weapons. his favorites being his dual pistols, and enormous sword.

-boomsticklike any proud weapon owner, he gives his tools of destruction pet names. his guns, ebony and ivory, specialize in long-range shots and rapid-fire barrages, respectively. these handcannons are so powerful, they can each obliterate demons in a single shot. -dantei think that look suits you better. *cue laugh track* -boomstickrebellion is a large, magical sword, given to him by his pops, which can cut any demon down to size in the blink of an eye. he's also got his brother's sword, yamato, which can cut through dimensions! -wizthroughout his adventures, dante also collected a wide assortment of additional weaponry called devil arms,

physical manifestations of powerful demons he has defeated. -boomstickremember megaman? i-it's that. but on steroids! his armor, gilgamesh gauntlets, increase his striking power, letting him shatter huge monoliths with a lethal, one-inch punch. -boomstickwith lucifer - the backpack, not the devil - dante basically throws infinite lightsabers. he's also got an electric guitar, which is literally electric. ice-powered nunchucks, grenade launchers, shotguns, and, i kid you not, a briefcase that can transform into 666 different weapons, ranging from a giant beyblade, to a flying turret gun.

where does he possibly keep all this stuff!? -wizreally, really deep pockets. or, perhaps, it's one of his styles, abilities he has also acquired from defeating demon bosses. with doppelganger style, he can duplicate himself, with trickster style, he can teleport instantly, with royal guard style, he becomes a nigh-impervious dreadnought, and he can even slow down time with the quicksilver style. -boomstickon the rare occasion dante feels he needs to get serious, he enters the devil trigger, a transformation that taps into his demonic heritage to unleash his true devil form.

devil trigger dramatically increases his strength, speed, and healing power, and he can fly! -wizbeing so well-armed, dante is more than capable of handling entire hordes of demons on his own, although this doesn't stop some of his allies from joining in from time-to-time. this includes trish, a demon-lady who occasionally fights alongside him, and happens to resemble his deceased mother.... talk about giving somebody an oedipus complex. -boomstickhey, if i may quote an old family saying, "if she's not directly related, she's safe to be dated." -wizthat explains a lot...

luckily, and quite surprisingly, that avenue was never explored -- thank god. boomstick-dante is a walking, talking, feat-achieving machine. one time, after getting impaled by four demons at once, he pushed one so hard, it exploded, and dropped a ceiling fan on the other three. all while eating a slice of pizza! oh...and when their friend showed up, he challenged them to a game of billiards. [asshole, corner pocket.] he won. dante has run down the side of a building so fast, he caught fire,

similar to a spacecraft re-entering the atmosphere at approximately 17,000 mph. -boomstickand he's even capable of taking out others just as overpowered as himself. like his brother, vergil, who was not dead, but...evil. he stopped a colossal punch from this titanic monster, without breaking a sweat, shrugged off bombardment by meteors, and eventually avenged his mother by defeating the demon lord, mundus. in space. -boomstickyou may be asking yourself:"can anything stop this guy?!?" yes.

dante does have a limit to how much punishment he can take, but if there's anything that could take him down, it's his own cocky attitude. -wizin the words of the ancient chinese philosopher, laozi, -boomsticki'm gonna have to disagree with ol' laozi here, pretty sure there's no greater danger than telling a woman those pants do, in fact, make her ass look fat. -???you...bastaaaaard! -danteand, jackpot. -wizfrom the angels of paradiso, to the demons of inferno, there is a name feared by both the light and the dark. and her name...

[is john cena!] is bayonetta. [i like mine better.] -boomstickto any normal guy walking down the street, she may look like your average 7-ft. tall, gargantuan amazon-woman with good fashion sense. but bayonetta is actually one of the last umbra witches, a clan of mystics allied with demonkind. -wiznamed cereza upon birth, she spent her early life growing up an outcast due to her parents being from rival clans. her father, a lumin sage,and her mother, an umbra witch.

-boomsticksee, the sages and witches had one rule to follow: don't make babies with the opposite clan, because, according to prophecy, it would bring on the destruction of the universe. so, naturally, it was only a matter of time before somebody couldn't keep it in their pants. ahh...pullin' out works every time, but the last time. -wizyou would know... with the pact now broken, war ensued between the two factions. in the end, only two witches survived: cereza, and her rival/future friend, jeanne. hoping to prevent the apocalypse, jeanne used a special dagger to seal away cereza's memories,

and put her into a 500-year long coma. -boomstickwhen cereza woke up from her epic power nap, she took on her new name - bayonetta - and set out to find her lost memories. luckily for her, she had just the right weapon for the job: her hair! -wizas an umbra witch, not only does her hair serve as her clothing, -boomstickwhich i'm having a reaaaally hard time deciding whether or not that's hot, or..just disgusting. -wizshe can also use it to summon the demon, madama butterfly, to aid her in battle. this technique, the wicked weaves,

creates portals for the giant demon to deliver devestating punches and kicks. bayonetta can also walk on walls and ceilings with witch walk, and even transform into animals to fly, run super-fast, and dodge attacks. -wizbut her most useful technique is witch time. by slowing down time itself, bayonetta can dodge..practically anything, while unleashing a barrage of attacks. -boomstickbayonetta is basically a tall, sexy armory. she wields gauntlets, called durga, which attack with fire and electricity, a huge scythe that rots the souls of its victims,

and a friggin' lightsaber called pillow talk. she has a bow that fires poison arrows,a chainsaw made of dragon scales, a massive hammer that can cause earthquakes with every strike, and even ice skates! which..attack with ice. obviously. but her most beloved weapons are her 4-pistol set called love is blue. rather than swap between them like a normal person, she somehow manages to wield all of them at once, by using not only her hands, but also her feet. -boomstickhow does that work? does she have, like, some kind of weird...thumbs on her ankles, or something?

(that would kinda detract from the hotness factor just a bit-) oh my god. she's covered in hair, and she uses her feet like hands! she's a monkey. monkey witch! -bayonettathis is awkward. wiz-i...highly doubt that. she probably just uses some sort of magic. speaking of magic, when bayonetta wants to unleash her full potential,

she triggers her umbran climax. [boomstick, you perv.] which increases her strength and lets her summon madama butterfly's full, unrestrained power. when fully-unleashed, madama butterfly can shatter huge meteors by headbutting them. -boomstickahh...climax. by herself, bayonetta has pulled off some impressive feats. she's strong enough to kick military jets into the air, headbutt skyscrapers across the city, and even throw satellites, with her legs, in outer space.

oh, by the way, she can survive outer space. -wizusing witch time, she was able to defeat...this thing, in only a matter of real-time seconds. even without witch time, her reaction speed is astronomical. for example: when a lumin sage stopped time to position newly-fired bullets about 3 feet behind her, she managed to not only turn and identify the incoming threat, but also dodge all 16 of them. -wizconsidering regular bullets travel around 2,500 feet per second. she must have pulled all that off in less than one-thousandth of a second! -boomstickand then there's that one time, when she killed god.

you know, by scissoring her hair with jeanne's, and punching the creator's soul across the entire solar system, into the sun? -wizokay, obviously bayonetta's feats and abilities are absolutely ridiculous! but she is sometimes rather inconsistent. -boomstickdespite her reaction time, she's been caught off-guard by enemies, ranging from a half-god called lobster, or...something like that, and even a plant-monster, that managed to grab her out of the air. -wizbut, regardless of whatever weaknesses she may have,

bayonetta has achieved more than anyone can possibly imagine, despite being 100% human. -boomstickwait, she is human!?! dibs. -bayonettaalright. let's dance, baby. -wizalright, the combatants are set. let's end this debate once and for all. -boomstickbut first, we made another videogame! and it sure would be swell if you buy it. the nerd is back for an all new adventure. crush your enemies! navigate new puzzles!

fucking helicopters! giant fucking alligators! fast fucking race cars! fucking flaming tanuki balls! and lots more shit! coming march, 29 to pc and mac. preorder now on steam and get 10% off and a soundtrack free. but right now, it's time for a death battle! -???another wandering, lost soul, i see?

-dantewow. lost? nah. i'm looking for something called a 'left eye.' care to give me a hand? could be fun. -???hmph. i see. but if you're looking for the left eye, that would either make you an angel... -bayonetta...or a demon. -announcerfight!

-bayonettaget back! -bayonettatake this! -dantewoah! -bayonettatoo slow... -bayonettatake this! mmm...what a disappointing finish. -dantethat all you got, sister? -bayonettaah! looks like you're more of a man than i thought. -dantecome on!

-bayonettano touching... w-what?! -dantehaven't used this in a while. still got it! -dantein the money! hahahaa! jackpot! -bayonettayou're a naughty boy, hitting a girl like that... you need to be taught a lesson!

-danteohooh! now this is what i'm talkin' about! -bayonettaif you like that, you're gonna love this... *nom* -dantephwoo! your breath stinks! -bayonettathis is where we part ways, love. -danteafter you. -trishdante! -danteah, c'mon, trish! you missed.

-trishoh, don't be a baby. let's finish her off! -bayonettajeanne. -jeannecereza. having some guy trouble? -bayonettanot to worry. i've got this one handled. -trishwait. we're getting paid for this one, right?

-trishthis is gonna hurt! -dantetrish! -trishbye-bye! -dantewhat's wrong? can't keep up? -bayonettaso close... -jeannewhere did you get that outfit? a thrift store? -trishyou're one to talk. that color looks terrible on you!

-jeanneugh! bitch! -dantetrish! wait! -bayonettabest pay attention, boy. -bayonettapretty or not, don't fuck with a witch. -bayonettano! that's not possible! -bayonettaa-hurgh... n-not...possible...

[insert some sort of thrusting innuendo.] -dantebullseye. how come i never meet any nice girls? -announcerko! -boomstickworst. date. ever. -wizyeah, they even lost their friends..i-i think? what happened to trish and jeanne? are they still fighting? -boomstickwell, i'll show you how i think it went down in my new show, dbx! -wizwait, what.

[i'm just as surprised.] d-did you actually do analysis on your own? -boomstickheheh! hell no. i'm just gonna make'm fight![and there it is.] -wizeugh, you would... and what actually matters, it's true that bayonetta's satellite-throwing feat trumps any and all of dante's physical displays of strength, however. dante edges out in every other catagory.

-boomstickhis arsenal matched, and exceeded, bayonetta's blow-for-blow. hell, even a giant demon like madama butterfly is nothing new to this demon slayer-for-hire. but most of all, bayonetta didn't have many ways to actually...kill him. i mean, the dude shrugs off mortal wounds every day, like they were nothing more than bug bites! both can take a bullet, but, unlike dante, when bayonetta is stabbed, it hurts. that's why avoiding attacks was her specialty. -wizbut she could only dodge for so long against somebody like dante. early in their careers, dante and vergil obliterated each and every raindrop within a 12-foot radius.

briefly creating a completely open space in a rainstorm. up to 30 raindrops can occupy a cubic foot, on average, meaning they destroyed 108,000 raindrops in less than a second. without any extra abilities or styles. even with bayonetta's absurd reaction speed, dante striking so much space in so little time far outclasses anything she has ever had to avoid. -boomstickeven when she tried avoiding him with witch time, dante's quicksilver evened the playing field. basically, making it useless. -wizit was just a matter of time before bayonetta suffered the fatal blow.

-boomstickwell, y'know what they say: hair today, gone tomorrow.[boomstick, why...] -wizthe winner is dante. -boomsticknext tiiiiiime on death battle! -boomstickhey everybody, i'm chad i play boomstick. -wizi'm ben i play wiz. and thank you for joining us for the premier of season 3. we got a ton of awesome episodes planned for the rest of the season, the rest of the year. thank you for joining us! -boomstickand thank you so much to angry video game nerd 2 assimilation.

it's actually our game who sponsored the episode so it would really mean a lot if you clicked the link in the description and check out the game. if you dig it, you can preorder it right now and get 10% off and a free soundtrack. -wizand speaking of links, click that link over there to check out our new show, dbx. it's kinda like death battle with fights and everything. but there is no rules, no analysis, only bloodshed. and this time you get to find out what happened, to trish and jeanne. -boomstickor for more shameless promotion. we have t-shirts! look their sexy we wear them. -wizoh yes they are. -boomstickyou can buy them by clicking the merchandise link. if you are a rt sponsor you save 5%

-wizbe sure to follow us on social media to find out who bowser is gonna be fighting. -boomstickwe had a lot to say. -wizyeah we did. -boomsticksee you guys in the next one!